My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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