From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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