Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
