This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
