it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
