when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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