I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
