why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
