just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
