Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter