I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.