and next time when you feel me up, do it right
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?