What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.