her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
