Apparently you make a good broom.
from now on my penis is your penis
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
