you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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