The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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