I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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