It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
