You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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