I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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