Im at strip club and am horny
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
