You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
