My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
where are my eyebrows?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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