Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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