So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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