my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
