like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
