I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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