My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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