it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
