I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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