Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
