you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
