the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
