she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
