Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
