you would pick up someone in the library
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
