I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
