I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
