apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
