after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
