Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
