A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
