No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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