Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
