Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize