Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
