Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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