I skipped work to stalk him.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
