Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
