so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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