another moral hangover. fuck.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
