Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
