dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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