I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
