if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
