who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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