so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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