She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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