I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
