he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found puke in my bra..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
