So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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