you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
