I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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