The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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