'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
