He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
